thinking ima gonna leave deviantart...for now...maybe...idk

five mos yesterday...

meh



3 mos 2day


+)

Last night he called me and we talked about how I want to travel the world when I grow up and how he wants to go to Germany, becuase he's into German stuff and his German heritage and all that stuff.

Well, we were being sappy and stuff and saying how he'd take me to Germany and all this stuff, and about how my dad wants me to study abroad for a year in college (which is something I would like to do, to, if only money would allow). Paul said he'd go wherever I went, even if he didn't become an air force pilot, which is his dream.

I said he needed to follow what he wanted to do, not me, and to follow his dream of becoming a pilot and blah, blah, blah, and then he goes, "Well, you're my dream."

A shot of adreniline and giddiness shot through me, and then I got really lightheaded. I loved it last night, but todayI've come to realize that me being his dream meant marriage, and I know I'm just a teenager who hasn't even been together with her man for half a year, but still, MARRIAGE...? I'm afraid of comitment. I think I am, really. I can't imagine marrying Paul, I don't want to, I don't think I even can...

Well, like I said, fifteen and three months of dating...I don't need to be thinking about this. Wait until college is over. What am I thinking??

Last night I told Paul I loved him.

And he said he loves me right back.

This journal is a little late for what I've really been wanting to gush about since Friday, but only now I've actually got the time to put it down in words.

There was a home game at Carroll on Friday against Salina Central, one of the toughest teams around (we won-17-7). I spent my time in the student section with Paul and his really hilarious/obnoxious/guy friends. They kept messing around and pushing each other off the really wobbly/narrow stands and into some guy in a leather jacket that I really felt bad for since he was in the way of Sam the Squirrell and Michael (or is it David, I can't remember-he's from Northwest) when they fell.

Well, Paul was being really affectionate and kept holding my hand and keeping my close and stuff. Then I told him how during lunch Ben, Jordynn, Emily, Vannessa, me, and sometimes Stephanie the sopmore play spin the bottle. And he goes, "Awww, you play it without me?" And I say, "Well, you have 3rd lunch. I can't help that." And I rest my head on his shoulder. "Sometimes we ask it who's gay or who's gonna go Oedipus and kill their dad and sleep with their mom." Cause we're reading that in English right now. Then I paused and said, "And Emily asked it who's gonna get kissed at the game."

He squeezed my hand and asked me who it landed on, and I said me. Then he gave me a big hug and smiled.

At the end of the game he asks me if he can have a kiss goodbye. So I give him a peck on the lips and almost fall off the bleachers because I got so lightheaded. He rested his head on my shoulder until Sam the Squirrell told Trent and Trent went and blabbed it to all of Paul's friends, like Ryan and Sam the Hitchhiker and Michael/David and everyone. It was frickin hillarious, I must admit.

Trent got in our faces and kept yelling "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH" while Paul tried to punch him away. I kept covering my mouth and Trent goes, "Ha! She's got a blushy face on--and so does Paul!"

At the gate he asked if he could have another kiss goodbye, and I went ahead and gave him one. He's out at some camp right now over the weekend and I can't wait for him to call me. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break to be over with so I can see him again!!!